Resilience
When “Nice” Backfires
Let’s say you have a coworker who always stops by your office to chat. Sometimes it’s a welcome break. But more often, it derails your focus and puts you behind on your work. You never say anything about it. You don’t want to hurt their feelings.
So you keep smiling, nodding, and letting the conversation go on. Meanwhile, your to-do list grows longer. Anxiety starts to creep in. You feel frustrated, even resentful. Over time, those feelings build up until they explode. And not always where or how you expect.
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At the beginning of the week, I found myself staring at a dozen bottles of medication. They weren’t mine. They belonged to my mother, who had moved in with us about two years ago. Her dementia had been progressing steadily, and each week brought small but unmistakable changes.
Some days were good. She’d pass the time reminiscing, reading, or watching for deer out the window. Other days were harder. On those days, she became painfully aware of what she was losing; her memory, her independence. And her tears came easily. It was heartbreaking to watch, especially knowing we couldn’t fix it. We had to learn, slowly and painfully, to simply be there with her. Acceptance didn’t come quickly. It came through shared tears and quiet moments.
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