Quiet Frontier

Being Wrong is Not Being Stupid

Video (07:48): Being wrong can feel embarrassing, threatening, or even personal. But being wrong is not the same thing as being stupid. In fact, mistakes are often the first honest contact we have with reality.

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Transcript

00:00:00 I’ve been known to get things wrong, quite often in fact.

00:00:04 I’ve worked on projects where I measured twice, cut once, and still somehow ended up with some kind of piece of wood that seemed to come from an entirely different project.

00:00:16 Just recently, I tried to plant some grass seed in a part of the lawn that had become a huge dirt patch.

00:00:24 Some of it grew, most of it’s still dirt.

00:00:27 Turns out, I didn’t do it right.

00:00:30 I had to plant more grass seed, and now I’m just sitting here, watching it, hoping it’s going to grow this time.

00:00:37 I’ve spent hours going through a spreadsheet looking for information that I never entered.

00:00:45 I’ve confidently held on to beliefs that later turned out to be completely inaccurate.

00:00:51 At times like that, I felt kind of stupid, but feeling stupid,

00:00:57 being stupid and being stupid are not the same thing.

00:01:02 And that’s a distinction that really matters.

00:01:06 Being wrong can feel like getting a bad grade on a test you didn’t even know you were taking.

00:01:12 Most of us don’t fear the mistake itself as much as we fear what it seems to say about us.

00:01:22 We worry that being wrong is, or making a mistake, that we’re not as confident as we thought we were.

00:01:31 We worry about embarrassment.

00:01:33 We worry about what other people are going to think.

00:01:38 We worry that one mistake will somehow become evidence against our character.

00:01:45 So the fear isn’t really about being wrong.

00:01:50 The deeper fear is, what’s it going to mean if I’m wrong?

00:01:57 That’s where we get ourselves into trouble.

00:02:00 Once being wrong becomes connected to status, identity, or reputation,

00:02:08 admitting you’re wrong becomes a lot harder.

00:02:13 Defending a bad idea can feel a lot easier than actually admitting a mistake.

00:02:19 You see it everywhere.

00:02:22 Social media, people double down on false claims long after the evidence has fallen apart for those claims.

00:02:31 In politics, changing your mind is often treated as a betrayal.

00:02:36 In the workplace, people will defend failing processes

00:02:40 because admitting the problem would mean admitting they’re wrong.

00:02:46 When being wrong starts to get treated like a character flaw,

00:02:52 people will cling to wrong ideas just to protect their standing.

00:02:58 And that’s when a simple mistake becomes something a lot more damaging.

00:03:04 But think about this.

00:03:06 If being wrong meant being stupid,

00:03:09 none of us would have survived childhood.

00:03:11 We learned to walk by falling down.

00:03:15 We learned language by mispronouncing words.

00:03:19 We learned math by getting problems wrong.

00:03:23 We learned music by hitting bad notes.

00:03:27 We learned relationships by saying the wrong thing,

00:03:31 misunderstanding people,

00:03:33 and slowly figuring out how to do better.

00:03:36 Mistakes are not interruptions in the learning process.

00:03:42 They are the learning process.

00:03:45 Being wrong is often the first honest contact we have with reality.

00:03:52 It tells us something in your understanding needs to be adjusted.

00:03:57 That’s not stupidity.

00:04:00 That’s feedback.

00:04:01 One of the hardest parts of critical thinking

00:04:05 is learning to separate ourselves from our conclusions.

00:04:12 Our opinions should be more like clothes than fingerprints.

00:04:17 Clothes can be changed.

00:04:19 They get worn out.

00:04:20 They don’t fit anymore.

00:04:22 Or they just aren’t right for the occasion.

00:04:25 Fingerprints, on the other hand, feel permanent.

00:04:28 They feel like identity.

00:04:32 When we treat every opinion like a fingerprint,

00:04:35 we make correction feel like a personal attack.

00:04:41 But our ideas are not us.

00:04:45 Our beliefs, our assumptions, our conclusions,

00:04:48 they’re things we hold.

00:04:50 They’re not who we are.

00:04:53 That means we can examine them.

00:04:56 We can adjust them.

00:04:57 We can replace them with better information

00:05:01 when that better information comes along.

00:05:04 Were you wrong?

00:05:06 That’s okay.

00:05:07 Admit it.

00:05:08 Learn from it.

00:05:09 Move on.

00:05:11 The goal isn’t to maintain a perfect record of being right.

00:05:17 No one can do that.

00:05:19 At least, no one I’ve ever met.

00:05:22 The goal is actually to become correctable.

00:05:25 Correctability is one of the most underrated signs of intelligence.

00:05:34 It means you’re willing to let reality interrupt your assumptions.

00:05:39 It means you care more about what’s true

00:05:43 than about protecting the appearance of being right.

00:05:49 The smartest person in the room

00:05:51 isn’t the person with the quickest answer

00:05:54 or the strongest opinion.

00:05:57 Usually, it’s the person who can say,

00:06:00 I had that wrong.

00:06:01 Or, I hadn’t considered that.

00:06:04 Or, I really need to rethink this.

00:06:08 That kind of humility

00:06:10 isn’t weakness.

00:06:12 It’s strength.

00:06:14 Because being wrong

00:06:16 is not the same as being stupid.

00:06:19 Being wrong is human.

00:06:21 Staying wrong

00:06:23 because your pride

00:06:24 won’t let you change course?

00:06:27 That’s where

00:06:28 wrong

00:06:29 starts turning into stupid.

00:06:31 Thanks for taking a few minutes

00:06:34 to watch this video.

00:06:36 Don’t forget to hit the like

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00:06:39 if you enjoy content like this.

00:06:41 I’d really appreciate it.

00:06:43 And also,

00:06:43 feel free to check out

00:06:44 the Quiet Frontier website.

00:06:47 There’s a link in the description.

00:06:50 Thanks again.

00:06:51 Take good care.