Quiet Frontier

The Trap of “Always” and “Never”: Understanding Overgeneralization

Video (06:36): Overgeneralization is a common cognitive distortion that can significantly impact self-esteem and crtical thinking. This video explores how this common pattern of thinking affects various aspects of life, and offers some practical tips for breaking free from its grip. Part of a series on cognitive distortions, this episode provides valuable insights for anyone committed to understanding their mind and enhancing their daily interactions.

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Transcript

00:00:09 Have you ever had one of those really

00:00:11 tough days? Maybe a project didn’t go as

00:00:15 planned, or you had a disagreement with

00:00:17 someone, and suddenly it felt like

00:00:20 everything was falling apart. That

00:00:23 feeling, where one bad thing seems to

00:00:26 define your whole life, is super common.

00:00:31 It points to something called

00:00:32 overgeneralization. It’s a mental habit we

00:00:37 all fall into at times. For example, you

00:00:42 try a new recipe, and it’s a disaster.

00:00:45 Instead of just seeing it as one failed

00:00:48 attempt, you might think, I’m just a

00:00:52 terrible cook. I can’t do anything right

00:00:55 in the kitchen. That’s overgeneralization.

00:00:59 Taking one instance and making it a

00:01:02 universal truth. So what’s actually

00:01:06 happening here? Overgeneralization is when

00:01:09 we jump to big conclusions based on

00:01:12 limited information. It’s like building a

00:01:15 whole story with just one piece of

00:01:18 evidence. Think of it like this. You have

00:01:23 one negative experience, and instead of

00:01:26 seeing it as a negative experience, your

00:01:30 brain tells you it’s all negative

00:01:32 experiences. It usually happens

00:01:36 automatically, without you even realizing

00:01:38 it. And it can really impact your self

00:01:42 -esteem, motivation, and how you feel

00:01:45 overall. Let’s look at some everyday

00:01:49 examples. You have a small argument with

00:01:53 your partner and think, this proves we’re

00:01:55 totally incompatible. This relationship is

00:01:58 doomed. Or you get constructive criticism

00:02:02 and think, I’m clearly not cut out for

00:02:06 this field. Or maybe you skip a workout

00:02:10 and you think, I’ll never get in shape. Or

00:02:15 in a social situation, you may feel

00:02:18 awkward. Maybe you’re at a party and you

00:02:20 just feel a little bit awkward. And you

00:02:22 think, I’m socially inept. Nobody likes

00:02:25 me. Notice how each time a single event

00:02:31 turns into a huge, often negative

00:02:35 statement. These aren’t just isolated

00:02:40 incidents. They’re patterns of thinking

00:02:43 that can become really strong and deeply

00:02:47 ingrained over time. Our brains are

00:02:52 amazing, but they like to take shortcuts.

00:02:55 They’re constantly trying to make sense

00:02:58 out of the world quickly. Forming broad

00:03:02 generalizations is one of those shortcuts.

00:03:04 It’s faster than carefully analyzing every

00:03:08 situation. Originally, it was a survival

00:03:12 mechanism, helping us quickly avoid

00:03:15 danger. But that shortcut can backfire

00:03:19 when it leads to untrue or unhelpful

00:03:23 beliefs. When we’re stressed, overwhelmed,

00:03:27 or feeling down, we’re even more likely to

00:03:31 rely on those shortcuts. It’s like our

00:03:35 brains are trying to find certainty in

00:03:37 chaos, even if it means bending the truth.

00:03:42 The good news is, you can challenge these

00:03:46 thought patterns. The first step is

00:03:50 noticing when it happens. Pay attention to

00:03:54 what you’re telling yourself. Are you

00:03:56 using words like always, never, every

00:04:01 time, or everything? Those are big red

00:04:05 flags. The second, when you catch yourself

00:04:11 overgeneralizing, ask yourself, what

00:04:14 really supports this belief? And what

00:04:17 actually goes against it? Is there another

00:04:21 way to look at the situation? You might be

00:04:24 surprised by what you find. Third, replace

00:04:29 those absolute statements with something

00:04:32 more realistic. Instead of, I’m a failure,

00:04:36 try, this task didn’t go well this time,

00:04:40 but I’ve had success before, and I can

00:04:43 have success again. And then practice self

00:04:48 -compassion. Everyone makes mistakes. Be

00:04:51 kind to yourself, just like you would be

00:04:54 to a friend. And finally, get another

00:04:59 opinion. Talk to someone you trust. A

00:05:02 friend, a family member, or a therapist.

00:05:05 An outside perspective can help you see

00:05:10 things more clearly. Changing deeply

00:05:14 ingrained habits takes time and effort.

00:05:17 You will slip up, and that’s okay. The

00:05:22 goal isn’t to eliminate

00:05:23 overgeneralization, but to become aware of

00:05:27 it, and to choose a more balanced

00:05:30 response. Recognizing these patterns and

00:05:34 slowly shifting your thinking will help

00:05:38 you build a more realistic and

00:05:40 compassionate view of yourself.

00:05:45 Thanks so much for spending a few minutes

00:05:47 with me today. If these ideas resonated,

00:05:51 you’ll find more thoughts like this at

00:05:53 Quiet Frontier. That’s where I write about

00:05:56 mind, meaning, purpose, and connection.

00:06:01 The softer questions that shape our lives.

00:06:04 I’ve put a link in the description below.

00:06:07 Thanks again for watching. Take good care.